Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
