Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
