Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
