Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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