I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
