Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you inspire me to be a worse person
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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