it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
