So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
