I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
