i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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