I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
