to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
