everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
