if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
