Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
