New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
