That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
this beer tastes like vomit already
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Vodka?
Forever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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