Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You're breaking my sexual little heart
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
