We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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