This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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