I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
