You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
