Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
