I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
