I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Randomize
