Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize