Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize