I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Panties = found
Randomize
