That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
