I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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