Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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