she was so not down for the gang bang
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
