My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
