He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
