I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize