great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
