it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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