Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
