If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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