i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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