Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
