Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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