You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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