Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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