people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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