Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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