why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
