You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
