i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
