Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
