I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
