I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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