I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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