Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
