Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
