WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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