wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
