i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
