I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
