I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize