Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
