I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
