I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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