Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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