Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Send help, water and tortillas.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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