I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
