We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Let's get the cat blown out
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
