throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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