so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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