Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize