Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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