I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
