i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
