Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
