Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are a genius and a whore.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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