my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
